He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
