I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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