Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
