He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
