She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like abortions should bother me more
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
