there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
