Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
