I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
