the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have demons in me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When are your genitals available?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
