im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
