if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
