A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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