I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
