Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
