whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
