I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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