my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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