Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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