that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
