In the future we'll all be gay
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
