I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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