Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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