god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
