she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
