1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
