youre lurking in front of me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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