You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
