He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
