just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
