im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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