I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
