And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
