I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
