sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
