definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I love you.
Bad choice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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