She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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