So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
