Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
