Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
