Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
