If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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