wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
