I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
