Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
