i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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