elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
