I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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