my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There r osticjed everywhere
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
