god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I puked a lego.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
