My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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