You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
