They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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