My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
