Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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