that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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