This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
