chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
