I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
